


Kyle's Boomin' Alien

by KPesh123



Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [12]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alien Abduction, Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Culture, Alien Invasion, Alien Planet, Alien Sex, Alien Technology, Alien/Human Relationships, Aliens, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Alternate Universe - Space, Bad Writing, Beer, Best Friends, Binge Drinking, Childhood Friends, College, Drinking, Drugs, Excessive Drinking, Friendship, Fucking, Good Writing, Heavy Drinking, Late Night Writing, Marijuana, Other, Outer Space, Party, Partying, Porn, President Donald Trump, Rape, References to Drugs, Science Fiction, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Smoking, Summer, Summer Vacation, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Vodka, Whiskey & Scotch, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:00:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26027608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: While exploring New Jersey, Kyle and The Boys discover an alien crash landing.  They proceed to befriend the alien and go on a big adventure.
Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867981





	Kyle's Boomin' Alien

**Author's Note:**

> Please make sure to read the other stories in Kyle's Boomin' Adventures.

Kyle’s Boomin Alien

Kyle and the boys had a daily schedule planned for their summer. Everyday they would wake up, meet at one of their houses, and someone would drive as they’d either go to the beach or explore a part of New Jersey they’d never seen before. After that they all went back to Malcolm's house in order to party into the night. The boys switched designated drivers everyday while everyone else drank in the backseat. It was Kyle’s turn and the destination was an old abandoned insane asylum in the middle of Central Jersey.

The boys chose this destination due to the fact that it was supposedly haunted by the ghosts of the deranged left to rot inside before its closure. The boys figured that breaking into it would be good video content, sending Always Boomin’ into the stratosphere. 

“Yo where is this place?” Mark asked.

“It’s somewhere in Englishtown.” Kyle responded. 

The boys drove for a few hours until they reached Englishtown. From there they had to drive all over the area trying to find the abandoned ruins which were the old insane asylum. Since the boys were incompotent, the boys took seven hours to find the spot where the asylum was, once they reached it however, there was nothing but an open field. 

“God fucking damnit!” Malcolm shouted.

“They really demolished it, why the fuck would they do that?” Nick asked.

“It’s probably due to the giant sign right there.” Jon said pointing to a big billboard right in front of them.

“Trump Englishtown, the perfect place to grab her in the pussy.” The sign read.

“Oh okay that’s a good reason.” Kyle said.

“Yea totally.” Gianni replied.

With the satisfaction of what was to come on the old plot of the asylum, the boys got in Kyle’s car and drove off. The boys had a long drive ahead, they had the radio playing in order to keep them entertained. 95.9 The Wrat was the local rock station in Monmouth County, it played good music such as Stoned Sour and Five Finger Death Punch to mainstream shit music such as Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd, two bands Kyle loathed with a passion. After playing Comfortably Numb for the sixth time in a row the boys had enough and were about ready to punch Kyle’s radio. Kyle switched the radio station to the news station. After an hour of George Floyd topics, the radio host changed subjects, finally waking the boys.

“In other news, there have been reports of unidentified flying objects in the night skies. They’ve been flying up and down the Jersey Shore. Are they aliens? Or is China back at it again. We’ll discuss after a message from Vagisil, used best to clean up down there ladies.” The radio DJ stated.

“Yo did you fucking hear that? There’s some fucking aliens in the sky!.” Jay shouted.

“Or it could be China spying on us again” Jon informed.

“Jon we literally raped them, they aren’t going to bother us for a while.” Malcolm responded. “Besides with a universe so big, it is retarded to say that Earth is the only planet with life on it.” 

The boys were driving down an open road in the middle of rural nowhere. They were the only ones on the road and their destination was Malcolm’s house. The boys decided to pregame the party and take shots of Jagermister in the car, including Kyle. Kyle was experienced with this. The day after one of their benders, Malcolm had to work at 8:00am the next morning. Kyle woke up hungover and still wobbling around when he walked. Once Malcolm kicked everyone out, Kyle got in his Wrangler and began to drive. Kyle was in no way a good state to drive. Although he lived a block away from Malcolm, the drive was dangerous for him. Kyle was weaving left and right, it was a miracle there were no cops on the road. If a cop saw Kyle driving, his neck would’ve been pressed down on by the cop’s knee. Nevertheless Kyle survived the drive and made it back up to college where Nancy Drew and the Boof Brigade made fun of him for looking like death and having a five o’clock shadow. With good experience, Kyle took six shots of Jagermister and continued to drive. 

“Dude look at that fucking meteor coming towards the road.” Nick said while pointing out the window.

“Big cap my guy.” Jay responded.

“No, he's right.” Kyle slurred. “Oh I should probably break shouldn’t I.” 

“Moron stop the car!” Jon shouted, grabbing the wheel veering the car offroad.

The boys just dodged a meteor which hit the road they were just on. The boys got out of Kyle’s car to take a closer look at the meteor. It wasn’t a meteor however, it was a giant disc that crashed into the road. The boys had just discovered a UFO that was mentioned hours prior on the radio. An alien popped out and didn’t seem to notice the boys at first. The alien looked as stereotypical as it could get, wide round head, big eyes, no clothes, and extremely short. The alien’s voice also sounded stereotypical as well. 

“Well fucking shit we crashed! That’s the last time I ever let you drive you retarded cunt!” The alien shouted to his partner. 

“Well why did you have to beam so much booze from the local store you alcoholic fuck?” The partner yelled back.

“If we are going to invade this dump we gotta know what the fuck these retarded aliens do!” The alien responded, he then noticed the boys watching the debacle pursue. “Oh shit we’ve been caught. Greetings Earthling, I’m Marklar from Planet Xenon.” 

“Yo what’s poppin.” Gianni responded. 

“I think I’m actually tripping balls here.” Malcolm stated.

“Don’t mind us we are having some technical difficulties here, if you could step over here I’ll erase your memories.” Marklar said.

“Bruh can we at least learn about you first?” Mark asked

“You know what this would be a good way to learn about each other's planets.” Marklar responded. 

“Ight bet.” 

The aliens got their spaceship out of the ground and proceeded to start it. The boys were invited on and the spaceship took off. On cruise control the aliens sat with the boys in their main area to learn from one another. Both parties were fascinated with the other, neither of them actually seeing a being from another planet before. The boys started asking. 

“Okay so, where the fuck is Planet Xenon?” Kyle asked. 

“You know that red planet right by you guys? Yeah that’s us.” Marklar responded. 

“Oh you mean Mars.” Malcolm stated.

“No we call it Planet Xenon.” 

“No, I was told in grade school it was Mars.”

“No, it’s Planet Xenon.” 

“No, it’s Mars.” Malcolm grunted. 

“Do you not understand we named OUR planet Xenon?!” Marklar shouted.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! How could you be so retarded to not know that the planet is called Mars?! Fuck you!” 

It was obvious that Malcolm was stubborn to the point that he wouldn’t accept the fact that the aliens had a different name for their home planet and Mars was a name given by humans on Earth. 

“Okay moving on. What makes you guys want to come to Earth?” Nick asked.

“We’ve seen the amount of destruction you’ve done to your home planet and are very fascinated with it.” Marklar responded.

“Oh you mean like pollution and global warming?” Jon asked.

“No you Earthlings are retards, those are fake, I’m talking about the wars and division.” Marklar said.

“Oh yea well half of the planet are literally retards.” Jon responded.

“This is so cool I’ve never seen an alien before!” Malcolm shouted excitedly. 

“Uh no, you’re the aliens.” Marklar responded. 

“No, you are the aliens! We look like humans and are from Earth making you the aliens! Fuck!” 

“No you guys are forign to us making you the aliens!” 

“No! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Malcolm was one again too stubborn to realize that to the aliens, humans were aliens. Malcolm firmly believed that aliens should consider themselves as such and let humans reign over them. 

“So what can you guys do?” Gianni asked.

“You want to see us abduct someone like in the movies?”

“Fuck yea.” Mark responded. 

“Bet, who do you want to see get abducted?” 

“Pawlie.” The entire group responded.

“Ight.” 

The spaceship flew over Pawlie’s house. Inside Pawlie was having sex with his latest Bumble date. Pawlie was lying on the bottom in straight rod formation while his date was doing all the work. Pawlie was laughing hysterically. Pawlie’s ex-girlfriend who Malcolm fucked claimed that he did this during intercourse, it was sad for the boys to see that was true. The aliens beamed the house, flipped over the couple, and abducted Pawlie. There they strapped him onto a flatbed and annaly probed him. 

“This is a standard procedure we have to do. It helps us learn about you Earthlings.” Marklar explained.

“What exactly does it teach you?” Kyle asked.

“It teaches us.” Marklar said in a sketchy tone.

Once they were done with Pawlie the aliens threw him off the spaceship. He fell through the roof into his house. The spaceship continued to fly off. Going over one thousand miles per hour, the spaceship flew out of New Jersey and was going south. The boys sat in awe as they watched the aliens television programming, which was nothing more than two aliens fucking eachother. As it turns out, the male alien genitals were on the head. When the males become aroused, the genitals rise from their head and stick them in a hole that forms on the female’s head. The boys were dumbfounded except for Malcolm, who was openly jerking off to the bizarre display. The spaceship was over Maryland when the septic system filled up. 

“Hey, nobody use the bathroom. We gotta clear the system.” Marklar informed the boys.

“How will you do that?” Jon asked.

“We will literally dump it on some house, fuck those people.” 

Coincidentally enough the spaceship was over none other than Nancy Drew’s household. Inside Nancy was lying on her bed crying in a deep state of depression due to her insecurities. Out of nowhere a pile of alien shit the size of a Hummer was dumped and hit Nancy’s house crushing half of it. Nancy survived but the house was decimated, and she was covered in alien shit. The spaceship flew off. 

“Wait so where are we going now?” Nick asked.

“We’re going to check out this place Area 51, apparently it’s a concentration camp for our kind.” Marklar responded.

“They can’t stop all of us.” Gianni commented. 

A year earlier, Area 51 was one of the biggest topics in the news. The American people decided to actually gather at Area 51 and bum rush the facilities. A total of one hundred people came and nobody did anything thus making it the biggest meme until 2020 appeared. Kyle wanted to go but the boys weren’t as close then as they are now. With everything happening in 2020, nobody could give a fuck about aliens and Area 51, making it the perfect time to break in. A half hour went by before they finally made it to their destination. Once at Area 51, they planned out their next move.

“Okay so since we have more advanced technologies, you know, space and all, we just use these ray blasters to shoot the guards.” Marklar said. 

“Oh bet.” Malcolm said.

“Fuck yea bouta get them kills.” Mark commented.

“Jesus Mark what’s with you and killing people?” Jon asked. 

“I won’t sleep till I get them back.” 

“Who?” 

“Them.” 

They boys were given ray blasters. Many looked like the blasters seen in Star Wars. Kyle was ecstatic when the aliens gave him a blaster that was the exact same as Han Solo’s. Kyle felt that if he were to be a Star Wars character, he would be Han Solo, not just due to the fact that they both look similar, but because Kyle had many similarities. Kyle didn’t give a fuck about the rules or what anybody thought of him, he also presented himself as a huge jackass to other people, especially his peers from college. The boys got different blasters as well. The group was dropped down from the ship where they ventured onto Area 51 property.

Area 51 was a highly secured place. If an average citizen were to step too close they would be shot on site. Just driving down the road close to Area 51 would turn security heads. The boys had to be very careful walking on government property. The group made it in through the chain link fence easily, but Nick had to sneeze, which did not sit well with Malcolm. 

“What the fuck Nick you just sneezed on my neck!! That’s fucking gay! Fuck you Nick!” Malcolm shouted louder than speakers at a Slayer concert. 

“That’s it, hold it right there!” A security guard shouted.

The boys were surrounded by fifty security guards, all armed with machine guns and bullet proof vests. The boys were about to give up, thinking they were fucked, except for Mark. 

“You know what Jay?” Mark asked Jay.

“What’s that Mark?” Jay responded.

“Fuck it.” 

“Oh bet.”

Mark and Jay took their blasters and started shooting the security guards, the rest of the group followed. Since the blasters were more powerful, they were able to take out the security guards instantly. The group continued for the main building. Once there the group opened fire on the security and released the aliens. Thousands of aliens from different planets fled the building, the boys stood in awe looking at the many different species running past them. Once the crowd had left, the head of Area 51 walked to the boys.

“Don’t shoot! There is a call for you guys.” The head stated.

“I’ll take this.” Kyle said, taking the phone. “Yea?”

“Hey this is Trump again, you don’t have to do this.” 

“Why not?” 

“I’m freeing all the aliens, turn on the TV and look at the latest news coverage.” 

“Okay.” 

Kyle turned on the closest television and put on a news station. Joe Biden was on the screen and the anchors were reporting about a statement he made at a recent speech. They showed Biden’s speech.

“We gonna keep them aliens there so we can rape them!” Biden shouted.

“No Mr. Vice President, I asked what you will do about the unemployment rate.” An anchor responded.

“What?!” 

“Oh Jesus Christ.” 

In a deranged state of mind, Biden wanted to keep the aliens in prison so he could single handedly rape every single one of them in order to feed his personal fetishes. 

“God fucking damnit.” Kyle said. 

“Ight let’s go.” An alien told the boys.

The boys got back on the spaceship and flew off. The aliens dropped off the boys at Kyle’s car back in rural New Jersey. As souvenirs the boys were able to keep the blasters they used to raid Area 51 as well as tapes of Alien movies. Kyle drove the boys back to Malcolm’s house where they got drunk and watched the alien porn movies. They laughed at how bad the sex was and shoved Malcolm into a closet when he started jerking off to it. That’s how they ended the night of raiding Area 51. 

  
  


I hope you enjoyed my boomin alien, we gang banged the fuck out of that thing. 

  
  



End file.
